"A Night at the Festival" NYICFF 2008
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INT. OFFICES OF THE NEW YORK INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN'S FILM FESTIVAL. WEARING A WATER BARREL AND SUSPENDERS, GROUCHO MARX PACES FROM LEFT TO RIGHT AS HE LECTURES A GAGGLE OF INTERNS.
GROUCHO (SINGING)
There are films from old Bombay, Sri Lanka
and Taipei! And shorts seldom distributed!

INTERNS
And shorts seldom distributed!
GROUCHO HANDS A COMELY YOUNG INTERN A PAIR OF BOXER SHORTS.
GROUCHO
Here, distribute these to my cleaners.
HARPO GRABS THE SHORTS AND CUTS THEM IN HALF WITH A SCISSORS.
GROUCHO
Had to take the short cut did you?
HARPO NODS VIGOROUSLY. MUSIC RESUMES.
GROUCHO (SINGING)
The children scream hooray!

INTERNS
Hooray!

GROUCHO
It's time for Q&A! Where egos are exhibited!

INTERNS
Where egos are exhibited!
A BEJEWELED MARGARET DUMONT ENTERS, HANDS FULL OF UNPAID BILLS.
MARGARET DUMONT
Please be serious! How are these bills to be
paid? The festival simply hasn't the funds!

GROUCHO
You know, I've heard getting there is half
the funds... I tell you what: go back where you
came from and we'll call it even.

MARGARET DUMONT
Well I never!

GROUCHO
Well I have, and let me tell you it was worth
every penny. But whom are we kidding? Can't
you see I love you? I'm mad about you!
A LEGGY BLONDE PATRON OF THE ARTS IN SATIN TAP PANTS WITH DEEP POCKETS PASSES BY AND GROUCHO INSTANTLY PURSUES. MUSIC RESUMES:
GROUCHO (SINGING)
And once the film is viewed, The viewers are
pursued, And nagged til cash contributed!

INTERNS
And nagged til cash contributed!

GROUCHO (to CHICO)
Well that should do it; I think we've
insulted everybody. How's that for an appeal?
HARPO STROLLS IN, MUNCHING A BANANA. HE TOSSES THE EMPTY SKIN ASIDE, CAUSING MARGRET DUMONT TO SLIP AND FALL ON HER ASSETS.
CHICO (rubbing hands w. glee)
Hey dats a good! (dead pan) I thinka his
a-peel works better boss.
MUSIC RESUMES. THE INTERNS RETURN, SINGING AND DANCING
GROUCHO
We know you love our fest, So boldly we
suggest: You give us lots of money!

INTERNS
You give us lots of money!

ALL
Our bills are steep, So don't be cheap!
Please dig real deep, We need a heap of
MONEEEEEEEY! MONEEEEEEEEEEY!
MONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!