Lilo & Stitch, Review: A Stitch in Time, and Space--Bad kid+bad alien=good kid+good alien

Why li lo for 23 years, when you can stitch together a film that cocks-a-snook at genres? And what age-group is this cartoon, animation, live action, stop motion, motion capture, VFX, space travel, and many other technical processes, like AI? Get cracking. Wait a minute. Who is the product aimed at? The target audience? The age group?

0-3 years

You must be joking! Do0 children in this bracket watch movies? And even if they are taken along because there is no baby-sitter around, they are an occupational hazard, with a loud mouth at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. Yet, I am sure, some parents do take their toddlers along. But will they be able to comprehend the goings on in the large screen, and DOLBY ATMOS sound? No chance.

3-6 years.

Now you are talking. What if we make one of the protagonists 6 years old 'bad' girl Lilo? That will surely resonate with the 3-6 years-old audience. And let there be pets, dogs and soft toys galore, with the protagonist number two being a bad Alien, named Stitch. Aliens use English and have names like Stitch? Aw c’mon! Do the 3-6 years-old audiences have brains developed enough to notice these things and react to them? And do they decide which movies to watch? Okay, so 3-6 is on!

6-9 years

Times have changed. 6-9 years-old kids can think beyond their ages, and they often dictate what movie their family will watch. Besides, they will understand and appreciate things like, “I think she likes your butt,” and “I read my sister's phone messages,” coming from a 6-year-old. They are at an age when they have favourites and are ready with comments like “how cute!”. They are our prime audience, and will enjoy Stitch’s attempts to speak and imitate English-speaking earthlings.

9-12 years

We gotta be careful here. This age-group knows about super-heroes and has idols, from Marvel, Disney and DC. And they, more than any other group, will go with a bad alien, a ‘project’ gone rogue, who looks like a cross between a dog and a…rabbit…squirrel…baby bear, doggone it, whatever, and his earthling protector, who is a bad girl, going astray because she has lost her parents and her older sister is too old to think like her and address her issues. Once they are hooked, advance booking is booked.

12-15 years

Well, it is probable that they have outgrown kid-stuff and are more inclined towards the comic hero stuff. But what if they have younger sibling (s)? They are sure to accompany the family to a film like Lilo & Stitch. They may not go gaga, but they will surely enjoy the narrative, even if it means lowering their disbelief a tad. They will have enough laughs and jokes to keep them occupied. No worries.

15-18 years

Now here comes a problem area, the awkward age. To hook these guys and gals, we will bring in cloning, a là Men in Black, electric shock machine guns, space-crafts, a crush that neighbour David has on Lilo’s sister, exciting surfing scenes, an alien villain with stupid a supervisor/minder, tracking devices, and an inter-galactic storyline about an alien, No. 626, and named Stitch, who has escaped from another planet, and landed on earth, with his creator and his side-kick in hot pursuit.

18-21 years

It’s difficult to address the entertainment needs of these ‘young adults’, teens going on twenties. They have seen it all and have outgrown cartoon creatures. So, let’s bring in then CIA, James Bond and Social Security, Social Care, sisterly-bonding, large difference between the ages of the two orphan sisters, Lilo telling her sister, “I like you as a sister, not as a Mom,” at one time, and, “I like you as a Mom, not as a sister,” on a later occasion. Let’s try the ‘family’ ploy, and make them reverberate with loneliness/friendlessness/bullying/nastiness/snubs/sarcasm, etc. Surely they will love it when Lilo releases caged animals and pushes a fellow concert performer, a sadist, off the stage, during a dance show, after being man…woman-handled by her.

21+ 30 years

There’s nothing like a good old Aunty, who breezes past everybody in her super-fuelled, breezy four-wheeler, and plays a big hand in carrying the story forward, endearing herself to one and all. And then a Councilwoman, from the other planet, is an old alien, who is a strict disciplinarian and insists on tracking and punishing Project 626, aka Stitch. In the end, she pronounces a judgement that will make you leave the auditorium with a smile, as it should be. Such characters and incidents will reach out to this age-group directly.

30+ years

Oh! But these are likely to be married audiences, with a kid or two, boys/girls. It will be their ideal day out, with the pop corns and stuff, and snug seats. They will laugh along with their kids, and munch a few pop corns as the film unfolds. They are less likely to be judgemental, because taking their kids to a movie is routine and obligatory. Their kids might include the little Sardarjee boy, who must be four years old, and who came-up to my seat in the auditorium, from nowhere, and demanded that he be given a tomato ketchup sachet from my tray, because, “I like it very much.” I refused (HOW RUDE!), and told him to get it from outside, where they sold the snacks and beverages. I thought he would find the word ‘Concessionaire’ incomprehensible. Sure enough, a few minutes into the intermission, he came back, with not one, but two sachets in his hands! MIssion impossible accomplished.

40+ years

Okay. That’s enough. As it is, we are making a genre defying film, wherein aliens have Christian surnames and speak English. And we have provided something for everybody, from the age of 3 to 30. Will you stop this age and gauge nonsense? Soon, you will ask me what do we have for the age group 90+? Okay, so we don’t have anything for them. And, by the way, do 90+ persons go to watch movies at all? One film cannot have something for everyone. And if we have catered to a 27-year span across age-groups, isn't it sufficient? And enough of this Genre business. Who decides Genre? Gen X, children born around 2002, when the first Lilo & Stitch movie was released? Gen Y? Gen Z? Gen Alpha? You had a fun time in an alternate world and unknown galaxy, for 108 minutes, right? You were witness to the transformation of a bad kid to a good kid and a bad alien to a good alien. So, now, get back to the real world, and get going on your own galactic routine. And if you liked the movie very much, wait for a sequel. "How long? This "remake" took 23 years." We are not telling! Bye.

Rating: ** ½

(Actually, the rating should differ for each age-bracket, but that is expecting too much of a reviewer, whatever be his age).

Trailer: https://youtu.be/VWqJifMMgZE